The Medical Dad

What is a medical dad? A dad with a medically complex child that supports and takes care of said medically complex child in all ways possible and loves unconditionally. -me

As I have stated in previous blogs, I share a lot of the rawness of our lives to let others with similar lives know they aren't alone and that they can be themselves, which is okay. I don't sugarcoat anything, and the main reason is because of growth and grace. The Grace of God has got us where we are, and where we are going. We would have NOTHING without him, and we would definitely not be who we are or learned from who we used to be. A few years ago (If you've been on my social media for a while, you'll understand what I mean), our relationship was for better words: toxic. Okay, I know what you're thinking.. Why share this; no one needs to know this. But they do and I have wanted to share this for a while now. God has put this on my heart for a very long time. Every day I am too busy to sit down and blog, but every day I wake up there is a nagging in my ear to get it out there. We are called to share our testimonies. People share their sobriety testimonies, let's normalize sharing other testimonies. We are 2 years sober!

At the start of our relationship, for certain circumstances, it moved a long fast. We did not have time to get to know each other. I met Jarvis at Bellingrath Gardens in 2015 when I locked my keys in the car and he was there with the fire dept and came to my rescue. A few months later, I had done it again and reached out to him through Facebook to come to the rescue once again and the rest was history. We were in our early 20's still trying to enjoy freedom and figuring out what we wanted to do in life. Our personalities clashed A LOT. From the start we let a lot of petty situations take control and honestly just take over our relationship. We went to church at times, but we did not seek God first in our relationship and that is where it all went wrong. This is why I am writing this.

We got together in 2016 and over the years we had separated quite dramatically several times, but shortly kept finding ourselves back to each other. In 2019, we had Asher to a complete surprise, and we continued to try to make things work for Asher. In 2020 a few months after the start of the pandemic we decided that we needed time apart or we would be ruined forever. We were physically, mentally, and verbally doing things to each other around Asher, and we wanted better for him. The very day I moved out, Asher became sick all of a sudden. At this point, Asher was 18 months and had never been significantly sick, hospitalized etc. He ate normally by mouth, and he was a happy healthy boy despite being developmentally delayed. Jarvis and I had started dating other people at the same time that Asher started becoming hospitalized. At this same time, we received Asher's "genetic diagnosis" per doctors. We were devastated and we started to work well with each other as co-parents/friends as we tried to navigate the news and everything we were going through. A few months after getting through that traumatic time, God brought Jarvis and I back to each other. I always wonder if things happened to Asher so that we could mend our family and become stronger because that is just what it did to us. When I think back, I cannot even really remember the people we were. God has washed us clean of those sins and we have been forgiven.

Since then, our relationship and family have grown stronger and for the better. When we were dating years ago, before I had Asher, I had a random scripture on our wall. It was Joel 2:25 - God can restore what is broken and turn it into something amazing, all you need is faith. How ironic! I say all of this not necessarily to "explain myself", but then again, I am. Because I want to share our testimony with others that have gone through or are going through something similar. GOD CAN RESTORE. He has, he can, and he will! We would not be where we are and who we are without God's grace and without him mending us as a family. The one thing we were always missing when we were failing was God at the center of our relationship. Now not to say things don't get rocky, they certainly do especially the stress of having a medically complex child that is in the hospital quite often, but God always brings us back to the center through the chaos.

In 2020, I quite literally almost died in a river and a few months later you came face to face with death in a fire, and in between those dates, we found Asher on his death bed. Isaiah 43:2 states "through the waters and through the fire, I will be there". The devil tried to get us several times, but Jesus always fought the battle through and through

Now for the actual meaning of this blog. A medical dad. There is not any words I can ever come close to describing the phenomenal father that Jarvis is. He is an amazing provider for our family. No matter how tired he is he pushes harder without complaining. If I lose a check due to being hospitalized, he's picking up extra shifts. And through all the long, hard, days in the sun or at the station, He still comes home and helps me with Asher and spends time with us without an ounce of complaining. The other day, Asher had his meds given, the trash was taken out and a load of laundry was washing before I even opened my eyes. Jarvis is very involved in Asher's medical care, decisions, appointments, and therapy. He does research, asks questions, and wants to understand. He gives Asher's medication without me having to ask. He allows me to have time to myself and he contributes to the extensive care Asher has. Having a medically complex child can drive a huge edge between parents/relationships. Stress gets taken out on each other, finances change and there is lack of time for each other it is important for a family to take one step at a time and always seek God's guidance together.

You always hear about a medical mama because it typically all falls on them. We are pretty equally dominant in our medical parenting life, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Jarvis, as I said, there are no words I can think of to express how thankful I truly am for you. You have grown into an amazing man, father, and husband. You (we) truly beat the odds. People thought we would never make it and we are here now. I could not have asked for a better father for Asher. You do more than many fathers out there, especially a medical dad. I know you are tired and stressed and I see you. Thank you for never giving up and taking care of Asher just as much as you can when you are home. You never complain (probably because I do enough of the complaining) but you are my rock, and I am so thankful God gave me you. I am proud of you and everything you accomplish. I know it is hard for a man to share his emotions, but I pray for you and your mind of carrying a heavy burden every day. You are an amazing friend that is there for anyone at any time of day/night no matter what they need. You would give the shirt off your back for someone who has betrayed you. You have big goals that you push hard to reach. You are a hard worker that never cuts corners, you never try to take the easy way out. When you are wrong, you do what you can to fix it. When there is an issue, you are the first person I run to, and you give me a solution before I can even continue to complain about it. I am truly thankful for you and our journey. There were times that I couldn't stand who you were, or who we were and the horrible things we have done to each other, but God stepped in and restored us. We have always done what we had to do for Asher no matter what we had to sacrifice. I hate the time we wasted in the past years, but I am proud that it got us to where we are, and I am proud of our testimony. If I could change anything about you, it would just be that you put the toilet seat down and close the cabinets. Asher adores you as well as I do. We are thankful for you.

GOD CAN RESTORE WHAT IS BROKEN.